Why Reading Matters for our Relationships

Written by Anasteece Smith

I grew up a reader. I read, I was read to, I did summer reading programs at my local library, I stayed up until all hours of the night reading… rarely did I not have a book with me. I heard from my mom and teachers hundreds of thousands of times how important it was to read. I also heard from my mom that you had to give a book 50 pages before you could put it down and say that you didn’t like it or it wasn’t the book for me. She learned it from a class, and yes it does work because some books take 50 pages for the story to really get going.

What I did not know, however, was why reading was so important. I had speculated ideas about why and had always heard that it makes a person a better writer. BUT, as it turns, out there’s more to it than just gaining better writing or language skills! Reading helps improve our relationship skills as we are more empathetic and kinder when we read (Borba, 2017).

Research has shown that parents care more about their child’s success rather than their child’s ability to be nice (Borba, 2017). Because of this, there has been a drive for success rather than kindness often at the expense of other children. Reading helps to bridge the gap and create children and adults who are empathetic and understanding towards one another, which in turn, sets them up for relationship success (something that will impact them far longer than getting straight A’s). If you want to learn more about why empathy is important, read these articles here, and here.

What to Read?

There are a huge variety of books out there – everything from picture books to non-ficiton to science fiction. The best type of book to help with empathy and moral development is actually picture books (Borba, 2017)! Picture books tend to contain content that draws on emotions and real-life situations that kids may encounter (Borba, 2017). Reading these books helps children to understand problem-solving, dealing with their own emotions, and have empathy towards the characters in the story. If you’re not sure where to start with picture books, you can ask a librarian at your local library, or a quick search with a phrase like “best picture books of all time” will yield thousands of results.

The second type of book that is best for building empathy and moral development is literary fiction (Borba, 2017). Literary fiction is a little different than general fiction, in that its value lies in the more serious and emotional nature of real-life events rather than simple entertainment value (Petite, 2014). Literary works of fiction include books such as The Book Thief, The Great Gatsby, and The Kite Runner. Literary fiction tends to help people be more empathetic, more skillful at taking the perspective of others, and more understanding of those who are different than they are (Borba, 2017).

Creating a Reading-Friendly Environment

While what you are reading can impact what you take away from the experience, consistent reading is actually what allows us to be empathetic and more understanding of others (Borba, 2017). Reading every day is where you will find the most benefits, whether it’s for 30 minutes or 3 hours.

Getting your child excited about reading can start even before they are born! Research has shown that reading to your child in utero can actually help stimulate a baby’s senses, improve brain development, and help with language development later on (Partanen et al., 2013). And those benefits continue as you keep reading to your growing child after they leave the womb. If you want to get your child excited about reading, make it fun! Use character voices, make up little songs or rhymes, or incorporate role-play. If you are reading a picture book, help your child point to what you are reading about. You can also try incorporating reading into your child’s daily routine. Having some family story time before bed is a great way to make sure you are reading every day! If you can cultivate a love for reading at home, children will be more likely to enjoy reading once they start attending school.

Here are a few more easy steps that can be taken to create a reading-friendly environment in your home:

1. Have designated screen-free time, and areas of the house where technology isn’t allowed (Rassmussen, 2017). For every family, the time and area of the house will be different, but research typically suggests to avoid screens in bedrooms because it interferes with the human body’s ability to associate the bedroom with sleep, as well as falling and staying asleep (Rassmussen, 2017). Creating screen-free time and areas helps kids and adults find other ways to entertain themselves, and a great way to do this is reading!

2. Have books at home that kids and adults can easily see and access (Borba, 2017). Buying books is one way to keep those books on display in your home. Local thrift stores, book stores and online retailers such as Amazon are a great way to purchase books usually with some sort of discount. Additionally, purchasing books in the mass market paperback edition will save you money as well. However, I know that purchasing books can be expensive, which is why getting a library card is a great investment. Going to the library every couple of weeks (especially with kids) encourages them to choose books that are interesting to them and helps to maintain a fresh supply of books. Libraries also offer book suggestions for both children and adults, along with activities and events that get everyone involved in reading, such as summer reading programs.

3. Set aside time to read both individually, and as a family (Borba, 2017). Set aside at least 30 minutes each day to read together, on your own, or both. Reading together is great for kids who can’t yet read on their own. This can include reading picture books together, or even chapter books with simple plotlines that young kids can understand. Reading aloud also provides an opportunity to talk about what is going on in the story as well as encourage perspective-taking. As a side note, as kids get older they may prefer to read on their own or to their siblings or other children, but don’t stop reading together as a family – it is still beneficial for teens to read together with others.

Let’s Talk About It

One of the most important things you can do to help your child engage in reading is to talk about what you are reading, especially when you are reading together. When reading together, take the time to ask questions about characters in the books, or even role-play as characters. Researcher, Michele Borba (2017) suggests parents and teachers ask kids the following three types of questions as they read:

1. Ask “What If” questions. Ask questions such as: “What if you were (insert character name)?”, “If you were in that position what advice would you give?”

2. Ask “How Would You Feel” questions. Ask questions like, “How would you feel if someone took your toy?”

3. Switch the focus from me to you. Preface questions with, “Pretend you are a character (from the story).” Then ask, “How would you feel if you were that character?” This helps kids to switch in and out of different perspectives.

Asking these kinds of questions are just as essential a part of reading as discussing the story or plotline, since understanding the characters and their motivations is part of what makes reading so powerful. All three of these types of questions encourages empathy and perspective-taking, helping children be more empathetic and understanding towards others – qualities that will set them up for success in their future relationships. 

This week spend some time reading every day. The length of time you read doesn’t matter. It can be two hours or ten minutes just as long as you’re reading.  If you don’t have a book to read venture to your local library or book store and pick one up.

References

Borba, M. (2017). Unselfie: Why empathetic kids succeed in our all-about-me world. New York: Touchstone.

Petite, S. (2014, April 28). Literary Fiction vs. Genre Fiction. Retrieved March 25, 2019, from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-petite/literary-fiction-vs-genre-fiction_b_4859609.html

Rasmussen, E. E. (2017). Media maze: Unconventional wisdom for guiding children through media. Springville, UT: Plain Sight Publishing, an imprint of Cedar Fort.

Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.