The Happiness Equation – A Secret to More Satisfaction

Written by Rian Gordon

Over the last fifty years, humankind has accrued more and more wealth, developed technology to increase our comfort and ease of living, and improved the quality of life of people all over the world. And yet, believe it or not, over the years our happiness levels as a species has remained relatively the same. Why is this? In his book, “When Likes Aren’t Enough: A Crash Course in the Science of Happiness” (2018), psychologist Tim Bono outlines a measure for happiness that may explain this frustrating phenomenon:

Happiness = What you Have / What you Want

If you don’t like math, stick with me, I’ll explain. According to this equation, we have two options for increasing the amount of happiness we experience from day to day. We can either 1) increase what we have, or 2) decrease what we want.

By nature of our current society, we are already constantly working to increase what we have. We go to school to get jobs that allow us to make more money to buy more stuff. However, research has shown that just because you have more stuff does not mean that you are actually happier. This is partially due to the fact that we naturally adapt to new environments. Apparently, increasing what we have only brings temporary satisfaction because we quickly adjust to a “new normal”. Think of when you first get a new phone – it’s fun and exciting to explore all of the new features and to personalize everything. After a while, though, the novelty wears off. What was once new and novel becomes “same-old” once again.

Getting more stuff also doesn’t automatically increase your happiness because the second half of the equation, what you want, is also constantly increasing. This is compounded in particular by social media. We are constantly bombarded with others’ idealized lives, and this tends to make what we have seem like not enough.

So how do we stop this equation from getting so out of proportion? The answer is a matter of shifting our perspective from what we want, to what we already have. In other words, we need to practice GRATITUDE.

The Power of Gratitude

Research has shown that actively practicing gratitude in our daily lives can actually significantly increase our happiness (Llenares et al., 2020). One particular study found that a group of young adults who kept a weekly record of the positive things that happened in their lives, “felt significantly better about their lives overall, were more optimistic about the week ahead, and even got sick less frequently,” than a comparison group who kept track of the hassles that happened during their week (Bono, 2018). Focusing on gratitude shifts our perspective. It allows us to move from away from the emptiness of what we lack, and to move towards appreciating the fullness of what is already ours. It can also help us look outside ourselves towards others and how we can use our influence and what we have to help them find more meaning and bounty in their lives.

Furthermore, research on the brain has shown that the more we practice gratitude, the easier it actually becomes for us to automatically focus on gratitude. Consistently turning our thoughts towards what we are blessed with creates pathways in our brains that eventually cause us to more readily think about what we are grateful for.

Here are a few ideas that can help you make a habit of practicing gratitude:

• Congratulate Someone: Next time you see someone sharing good news on social media (maybe even something that you feel a little jealous of), make an effort to reach out and congratulate them. Sharing in someone’s joy rather than giving in to the green monster of envy can help brighten their day, and shift your focus back to what you’ve been blessed with in your life!

• Gratitude Journal: Taking the time to physically write out the things that you are grateful for, whether it’s once a day, once a week, or once a month can help you keep track of your gratitude, and will help you actively look for things that you are grateful for. This can be something for you to treasure, especially if you are going through something that makes it difficult for you to practice gratitude. Remember, the more often you practice, the better you can re-train your brain to focus on what you have!

• Writing Letters: Think of someone who has impacted you in your life, and take the time to write them a letter expressing your appreciation (if you don’t have time to hand-write something, send them an email or even a Facebook message!). Not only will this help you think of and be grateful for the ways that other people have blessed your life, but it will make someone’s day as well! Click here for a free download we’ve created to help you write someone a thank you letter.

• Share With a Partner: You can actually kill two birds with one stone by sharing what you are grateful for with your partner or someone you love. Practicing gratitude with another person helps you as you work to re-wire your brain for gratitude, and it also gives you some time to connect and be open with your partner – things that are essential for strong and healthy relationships!

Practicing gratitude is guaranteed to increase the happiness you feel in your life. And while it may not seem like you have much initially, the more you practice, the more you will find to be grateful for! So, give gratitude a try. What have you got to lose?

Choose one way to increase your happiness by practicing gratitude this week!

References

Bono, T., PhD. (2018). When Likes Aren’t Enough: A Crash Course in the Science of Happiness. New York, NY: Grand Central Life & Style.

Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.