BUT, having a healthy relationship with money can certainly increase the stability and happiness of your romantic and family relationships. Difficulties with money can be daunting and frustrating, but breaking things down and taking them a day at a time can really help with conquering the troubles that you are having. In fact, studies have shown that being financially stable is not so much about how much money you make, but about how you learn to manage it. Here are a few helpful tips to help you and your partner get your financial feet planted firmly in the ground:
1. Get on the same page.
When you first get married, you will notice that your spouse does a lot of things differently from you. They may load the dishwasher differently, have a different way of celebrating birthdays, or even have different ideas about who should cook the meals and how. These differences naturally come with the territory of being raised in two different families, and can also extend to more serious matters such as money. Maybe you were raised in a family that only shopped at Goodwill for clothes. Or maybe your mom took you out for a monthly pedicure and spa treatment. Differences in spending and saving practices are very normal and even good (they can help you balance each other out and practice healthier money habits), however, it’s important to acknowledge and communicate about this differences and how to handle them. Details like whether you are a spender or a saver can be helpful to discuss and understand even before you get married, so that you can properly prepare for a life together (click here to take a quiz and find out your money personality). Starting a habit of having a weekly budget meeting and discussing money habits can help you get on the right track to having a healthier relationship.
Speaking of budgets, make a plan, and STICK TO IT. Budgeting can seem really tedious, especially when you are first starting out. But, the more you work on developing these habits early on, the better off you will be in the future. There are several different ways to budget, and none of them is more right or wrong than the other. The key (like many other aspects of healthy relationships) is to find what works for you, and let that be your guide. For different budgeting ideas, check out this link here.
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
One trick that my husband and I have learned is to include fun money in our budget. This is money that we are allowed to spend on whatever we want, whenever we want, no questions asked. We each have our own designated amount, and this money is set aside every month. We adjust the amount of fun money depending on how our budget changes and grows, but having this money set aside to use for whatever we want takes away some of the blah that can come with having to stick to our budgeting guns.
3. Start saving now.
It can be intimidating, especially at first, to think about putting money away for the future. It’s easy to think, “I really need this money now! I don’t have enough to put anything away for later.” Particularly when you’re just starting a family, using every penny of your paycheck can certainly be a reality. However, saving doesn’t have to start big. Consider skipping out on one Diet Coke from the gas station each paycheck, and instead putting the $5 into a savings account. You’ll be surprised how fast that money starts to grow. It can also be extremely helpful to save FIRST before doing anything else with your money. It’s much easier to just pretend like the money isn’t even there in the first place. Developing these habits now will really help you to better prepare for the future, whether you are saving the money for a possible emergency like an unexpected hospital bill or auto repair, or whether you are going for something more long-term like retirement.
4. Pay it forward.
Like we discussed in number two, money habits start developing in your family of origin when you are young. Teaching your kids good money-management skills now will help them to be more successful and happier in the future (not only that, but it might also mean that you won’t have to spend quite so much on them while they are still living under your roof). You can help them develop good money habits by helping them open their own bank/savings account, and encouraging them to work and begin saving or paying for things that they want (such as extra clothes, an ipad, trips to the movie theater or theme park, etc.). As they learn these skills along with the difference between needs and wants, kids will better understand the value and importance of hard work and will hopefully avoid the entitlement complex that we are seeing in so many young people today.
Photo by Hunter K. Fowler
Whether you are single, just getting married, or you have a well-established family of five, it is never too late to start being smart about money. Work on developing these good habits now, and the future of your relationships will be a lot brighter.
References
Becchetti, L., Corrado, L., & Rossetti, F. (2011). The heterogeneous effects of income changes on happiness. Social Indicators Research, 104(3), 387–406. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s11205-010-9750-0
Connors, S., Khamitov, M., Moroz, S., Campbell, L., & Henderson, C. (2016). Time, money, and happiness: Does putting a price on time affect our ability to smell the roses? Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 67, 60–64. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.jesp.2015.08.005
Donnelly, G. E., Zheng, T., Haisley, E., & Norton, M. I. (2018). The amount and source of millionaires’ wealth (moderately) predict their happiness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(5), 684–699. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1177/0146167217744766
Sherman, A., Shavit, T., & Barokas, G. (2020). A dynamic model on happiness and exogenous wealth shock: The case of lottery winners. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 21(1), 117–137. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s10902-019-00079-w
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
