Cover Photo by Julien Pouplard on Unsplash
Written by Natalie Burgess, Brigham Young University
A wail sounds from my baby in the bassinet next to me for what must be the fifth time in the past few hours. Rather than reach into her bed, I run, sobbing, into the living room.
“I just can’t do it!” I cry as I curl into a ball on the couch. My husband comes to my side, allowing our baby to cry for a few minutes before calming her. He is handling this moment better than I am—or at least he is good at faking it.
This first night home from the hospital with my newborn marked the beginning of many sleepless nights during which my husband and I woke up anywhere from every thirty minutes to two hours at a time to feed, change, and comfort our daughter. Still recovering from the birth—exhausted, hormonal, and depleted—I felt miserable at times.
Any new mother may find a bit of herself in this memory. Add a worldwide pandemic with its additional health concerns and frequent isolation and the difficulties seem to be magnified. This experience drove me to understand what new mothers are experiencing during this time and how loved ones can help.
Altered Preparations for Birth
Amidst the closures, business shutdowns, and citizens donning masks around the world in an attempt to squash the COVID-19 pandemic, babies will still be born, and parents must alter the way they prepare and care for their new infants. The coronavirus is adding additional stress and difficulty to a time that is already overwhelming (Ollivier et al., 2021).
With COVID-19 thriving in the United States, many expectant mothers face canceled birthing classes, fears of not having a support person in the delivery room, canceled baby showers, loss of employment and maternity leave, potential sickness, and a subsequent increase in the rate of depression and anxiety (Lebel et al., 2020).
Increase of Difficulties Due to Social Isolation
In this transition to motherhood, mothers tend to appreciate extra help and support others may offer (Ollivier et al., 2021; Negron et al., 2013), which support may allow her to take a nap, shower, spend time alone with her significant other, and may also provide someone to talk to. This support is vital as it can also help ease the burden a new mother may feel and provide a soundboard for discussing surprises or unmet expectations she may experience.
However, “the COVID-19 pandemic has impacted pregnant and postpartum women immensely; mostly through breakdown of support systems” says Dr. Daniel Roshan (Perry, 2020).
In normal circumstances, some mothers may fight the ‘baby blues’ and postpartum mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, and OCD (Miller et al., 2015; Ollivier et al., 2021). During the pandemic, mothers may also face increased social isolation, which for many means not seeing parents or other support persons (Negron et al., 2013; Ollivier et al., 2021). They may also experience extra mom-shaming on social media due to polarized opinions about infant safety from friends and relatives who—in normal circumstances—would congratulate and help them.
Mothers may also feel a sense of guilt and impending doom in bringing a new baby into such an uncertain time in which the consequences of a newborn’s contraction of COVID-19 are unknown. In the midst of these added pressures, new mothers must be brave and resilient in the face of these adjusted circumstances. Women have overcome difficult circumstances for thousands of years—now is another opportunity to show forth strength and courage.
Reduce Isolation and Increase Self-Care
During this time, mothers can find comfort in practicing self-care, reaching out to others for support, and adjusting expectations. The following are a few practical ideas that may help.
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Find ways to reach out and connect (Perry, 2020). Consider joining Facebook groups, participating in Instagram live, joining a support group, or listening to therapist podcasts (Olliver et al., 2021; Shortsleeve, 2020).
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Visit your obstetrician—even if it is before the 6-week postpartum appointment. Mental health is just as integral to your recovery as your physical health, and doctors can help. If in-person appointments are out of the question, then take advantage of online appointments (or telemedicine).
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“Social bubble” with other new parents or extended family. This term refers to two or three families who gather with one another but maintain strict quarantine and social distancing rules with all others (Perry, 2020).
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Lighten the load by using a food-delivery service and doing some self-care while the baby is sleeping.
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Assign different spaces in your home to different purposes; having one space as a “baby-free” zone can help you relax and feel like an individual rather than just the family cow.
Some Help You Can Provide a New Mother
Friends and relatives can let the new mother know that although she is spending much of her energy taking care of a baby, she herself is cared for, supported, and taken care of. Here are a few practical ways to support a new mother.
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If you know a new mom (Shortsleeve, 2020), try asking her how she is doing rather than just asking about the baby. She likely predominantly gets questions about her child.
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Send the new mom a gift or order her favorite meal. Keep in mind what may not be appropriate given her recent delivery. For example, a mom might appreciate some sparkling apple cider but not be able to use bath salts if she is still bleeding from childbirth.
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Text her something uplifting each day. Sometimes an uplifting quote or “you can do this!” can go a long way.
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Set up a virtual gathering. You can also participate in a social bubble and offer to watch the baby for a few hours or even take a night shift so she can rest or spend time with her significant other.
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Lastly, without invalidating her struggles, let the new mom know that although the transition is hard—seeing her newborn baby smile at her for the first time, laugh, learn to walk, and grow up (and learn to sleep through the night) makes the struggle truly worth enduring.
Although the COVID-19 pandemic has put a strain on many people, new moms experience added pressures in an already tricky transition. If those around her are aware of these struggles and seek to help her, those pressures can be eased, and this time can become one of joy.
Reach out to a new mom in your life to check in. Consider using one of the suggestions above to offer support.
References
Lebel, C., MacKinnon, A., Bagshawe, M., Tomfohr-Madsen, L., & Giesbrecht, G. (2020). Elevated depression and anxiety symptoms among pregnant individuals during the COVID-19 pandemic. Journal of Affective Disorders, 277, 5–13. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2020.07.126
Miller, E.S., Hoxha, D., Wisner, K.L., Gossett, D. R. (2015). The impact of perinatal depression on the evolution of anxiety and obsessive-compulsive symptoms. Arch Womens Ment Health. 18, 457–461 https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-014-0476-x
Negron, R., Martin, A., Almog, M., Balbierz, A., Howell, E. A. (2013). Social support during the postpartum period: Mothers’ views on needs, expectations, and mobilization of support. Maternal and Child Health Journal, 17(4), 616-623. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10995-012-1037-4
Ollivier, R., Aston, D. M., Price, D. S., Sim, D. M., Benoit, D. B., Joy, D. P., Iduye, D., & Nassaji, N. A. (2021). Mental health & Parental concerns during COVID-19: The experiences of new mothers amidst social isolation. Midwifery, 94, N.PAG. https://doi-org/10.1016/j.midw.2020.102902
Perry, C. (2020, July 28). COVID-19 is increasing risk of anxiety, depression in new moms. Verywell Family.
Shortsleeve, C. (2020, May 18). New moms are struggling more than ever during the pandemic-here’s how to help yourself and others. Parents.
Natalie Burgess grew up in a blended family in Round Rock, TX and served a mission for her church for 18 months in Seattle Washington. Natalie and her husband, Ryan, have been married for two years and enjoy traveling, catching up on sleep, reading books together, annoying their cat, and playing with their daughter, Lindsey. Natalie is currently a senior at Brigham Young University studying human development and will attend graduate school in the coming year to pursue a degree in Marriage, Family, and Human Development.
