We Can Prevent Sexual Assault

*Cover photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Written by Brittney Herman of We Will
Sexual assault is all too common. Every 73 seconds an American is assaulted (RAINN, 2020). Unfortunately, survivors of sexual assault experience numerous negative effects caused by the trauma of their assault. Mentally, survivors commonly experience post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, flashbacks, and even suicidal thoughts. Emotionally, a survivor may blame themselves, engage in self-hatred, or dissociation. Physically, a survivor could have contracted STDs, become pregnant, engage in self-harm and substance abuse, and develop eating or sleep disorders (RAINN, 2020). While it is possible to heal and survivors often heal, it is not without substantial suffering. When one member of the community suffers, we all suffer. In order to create healthy communities, we need mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy individuals. Allowing sexual assault to remain a rampant issue prevents the continuing health of individuals, and therefore healthy communities. 

The Importance of Education

However common, the efforts to eradicate sexual assault are not without hope. We can prevent sexual assault (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020). Studies show that where there is sufficient sexual education, there are far fewer sexual assaults (Herman, 2020). Changing sexual education standards ensures every student receives proper education proven to reduce the rates of assault. While formal sexual education is an important contributing factor in state sexual assault rates, informal education is critical and can also make a substantial difference (We Will, 2019). Informal education takes place through families, social media, and everyday conversations. 
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Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash
The focus of sufficient sexual assault prevention education is not on potential victims. Rather than teaching self-defense, safety practices, or other techniques, proper sexual assault prevention education focuses on teaching would-be perpetrators what is wrong. While safety practices for would-be victims are important, addressing the would-be perpetrators attacks the problem of sexual assault at its root (Herman, 2020). Victims and survivors of sexual assault are not the problem with assault, the problem lies only with the perpetrator.
Most sexual assaults are committed by an acquaintance or someone else with a relationship to the victim (Saint Mary’s College of California, n.d.). This is a large reason why teaching safety practices are ineffective measures to completely eradicate sexual assault. This is why we must address what is going wrong in situations with perpetrators known to the victim. Oftentimes in these situations, it is a lack of consent or the use of coercion which leads to a sexual assault (Saint Mary’s College of California, n.d.).

Crucial Terms

Proper sexual assault prevention education includes teaching consent, coercion, and refusal skills (Herman, 2020). Consent is the enthusiastic permission of both parties to engage in an activity (Project Respect, 2020). Coercion is forcing someone to engage in an activity through threat, force, or intimidation (Coercion, 2020). Refusal skills teach individuals how to say no, and teach others to recognize a no when it is given (Warzak, & Page, 1990). 
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Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash
When we teach consent, we teach that consent cannot be obtained from someone who is asleep, unconscious, or otherwise incapacitated. This helps to prevent an extremely common form of sexual assault (Fifth of sex attack victims ‘asleep or unconscious’, 2015). Just because consent existed in the past does not mean that consent exists in the present situation. This will help to prevent confusion between couples that can lead to sexual assault. We can teach that consent can be withdrawn at any time, which makes it clear to the individual who wants to move forward that they cannot move forward. People will learn that consent is a normal and necessary part of sex and that consent must be obtained in order to engage in an activity (Consent – Let’s Talk About It, 2020). Learning the term coercion teaches would-be perpetrators that threat, force, and intimidation can never produce legitimate consent (University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, 2020). Further, while refusal skills teach would-be victims how to say no and have a plan for if they are put in an uncomfortable situation, * teaching refusal skill also focuses on making sure would-be perpetrators recognize a no (Herman, 2020).
As we teach consent, coercion, and refusal skills not only will individuals realize what actions are wrong and be deterred from taking such actions, but survivors of assault will also more easily recognize when they are assaulted and seek help more effectively and quickly (Herman, 2020). Today, many survivors take a long time to recognize that what happened to them was assault (Ro, 2018). This can lead to engrained feelings of trauma or self-blame (Ro, 2018). Making it clear to survivors what qualifies as sexual assault means that an assault can be more easily recognized, reported, and the harmful effects mitigated. Additionally, parents, teachers, and other authorities will have the same vocabulary as the survivor, so when she or he describes their assault, these authorities can understand them. Standardizing vocabulary puts everyone on an even playing field and clarifies discrepancies that can occur when meanings of these words or concepts are confusing or based on opinion (Herman, 2020). 
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Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

We Can

Through teaching these concepts in our schools, encouraging caretakers to teach these concepts to future generations, talking about sexual assault prevention on social media, and discussing these concepts in everyday conversation, we can and we will prevent sexual assault and help survivors feel supported and loved coming forward (Herman, 2020). Through preventing horrific trauma of sexual assault either through prevention of the assault itself or through proper mitigation, we will create healthier individuals and communities. 
*It is important to note that even if a survivor was taught refusal skills or had a plan and was unable or felt uncomfortable using these skills or plan for any number of reasons, it is still not the survivor’s fault.
Personal Practice 1Why does consent matter for YOU? Write down your answer, and then share with someone you love.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020, January 17). Prevention Strategies|Sexual Violence|Violence Prevention|Injury Center|CDC. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/prevention.html
Coercion. (2020). Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Coercion
Consent – Let’s Talk about It. (2020). Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.letstalkaboutit.nhs.uk/other-services/sexual-assault/consent/
Fifth of sex attack victims ‘asleep or unconscious’. (2015, February 12). Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-31434555
Herman, B. (2020). Sexual Education as a Form of Sexual Assault Prevention: A Survey of Sexual Education Among States with the Highest and Lowest Rates of Rape. [Forthcoming Publication], on file with author.
Project Respect. (2020). Consent. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.yesmeansyes.com/consent/
RAINN. (2020). Effects of Sexual Violence. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.rainn.org/effects-sexual-violence
RAINN. (2020). Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
Ro, C. (2018, November 06). Why most rape victims never acknowledge what happened. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181102-why-dont-rape-and-sexual-assault-victims-come-forward
Saint Mary’s College of California. (n.d.). Acquaintance Rape and Sexual Assault. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.stmarys-ca.edu/sites/default/files/attachments/files/acquaintance-rape-and-sexual-assault.pdf
University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. (2020). Definitions. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.umassd.edu/sexualviolence/definitions/
Warzak, W. J., & Page, T. J. (1990). Teaching refusal skills to sexually active adolescents. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 21(2), 133-139. https://doi.org/10.1016/0005-7916(90)90018-g
We Will. (2019). Formal and Informal Education. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.wewillorg.com/formal-and-informal-education

 


Brittney Brittney Herman graduated in April, 2020, with a law degree from Brigham Young University. She primarily studied tax law, but also had the opportunity to study sexual education laws during her years there. Brittney started the non-profit We Will, which is focused on the prevention and mitigation of sexual assault. She herself is a survivor of sexual assault, and uses those trials to fuel her fight for the rights of those who have been through similar experiences. Read more about her and her organization here.
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Understanding Consent – A Vital Life Skill

Written by Mariah Ramage
Consent can be explained a number of different ways, but just as clear understanding is important for consent, I also believe it is important for how we explain consent. As such, this is my favorite way I have heard consent explained:
“Both partners are 100% flamboyantly, beyond any shadow of a doubt, [in agreement about] what is happening,
And the communication of that, verbal and nonverbal, is clear and constant,
This is consent,
And wrong would be the absence of that, in any context, for any reason.
It would be silence.
It would be ‘I don’t know if this is what I want right now’,
Because maybe that’s not a ‘no’ but it is definitely not a ‘yes’.”
Guante
In other words, consent is all about boundaries. Brené Brown defines boundaries as “a clear understanding of what is okay for you and what is not okay for you.” Boundaries can be mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, or sexual. Consent is about physical boundaries, including platonic, romantic, and sexual boundaries. And as with all types of boundaries, we need to communicate our own and we need to learn and respect those of others.
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Photo from pexels.com
Please note that I said platonic, romantic, and sexual boundaries. While consent is normally entwined with the topic of sex, consent is not just about sex. Consent is about all types of physical contact. For as we each are our own person, we each have the right to bodily integrity: to be free from interference with our bodies. The right to not be assaulted. To not be tortured. To not be experimented upon. The right to not be touched by others if we do not want it, no matter their intentions. After all, not meaning to cause harm does not mean no one will be harmed.

How Consent Can Improve Our Relationships

When we understand the true nature of consent, with its application beyond sexual relationships, we can see where it fits into all relationships, alongside the mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries we each have.
Setting, maintaining, and respecting healthy boundaries are what separate happy and healthy relationships from toxic, dysfunctional relationships. When boundaries are violated, resentment builds and can poison a relationship, interfering with individuals’ ability to love wholeheartedly.
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Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash
Openly communicating about our physical boundaries with our friends, family members, and romantic partners invites connection and bonding. It provides an opportunity to gain a better understanding of those we care about and to show our love for them by respecting their boundaries. We can also feel more loved when they respect our boundaries.

Teaching Children about Consent

One of my strongest memories from elementary school is that of a boy named Trevor. Throughout kindergarten and first grade, he would continually harass me, attempting to and force hugs and kisses on me. I would often spend much of recess running away from him. I remember my first-grade teacher trying to teach him that he needed to ask first and then only act if I said yes. It took a long time for Trevor to learn that lesson.
This experience is one of the reasons I strongly believe in teaching consent from birth. Now, saying “from birth” may sound a bit extreme, but let me explain. From infancy, we teach children how to share, how to take turns, how to respect belongings. We consider these to be important life skills. If teaching children to respect things, to not purposefully damage their belongings, is a vital lesson, should it not also be vital to teach them to respect people and their physical boundaries? The younger we start, the better we can instill this respect in our children.
We also need to be teaching our children that they have the right to say no. They can refuse hugs and other physical contact, even from family members and close friends.
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Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash
Did you read Rian’s post from November about sexual grooming? 1 in 10 children in the U.S. is sexually abused before age 18. 90% of the time, the abuse is committed by someone in a child’s circle of trust, not a stranger. So when you teach your children that they have the right to personal body space, even with those closest to them, you provide them with extra protection against predators.
This protection extends into adolescence and beyond. Teenage boys and girls consistently report that sexual activity often occurs under pressure (Sparks, 2019). They don’t know how to say no or how to respect when someone else tells them no. In fact, one nationwide study of high school students and young adults found that the overwhelming majority had never been taught how to avoid sexually harassing others or how to cope with sexual harassment. This is a serious problem that can be addressed by teaching children, teens, and young adults about consent – how to enforce their own boundaries and how to respect those of other people. Alongside that, we need to teach children that their bodies do not exist to serve others and other people’s bodies do not exist to serve them. The idea that bodies are objects to be used, rather than people to be respected, is a core belief that contributes to sexual violence and separates sex from its rightful place as part of a happy, healthy relationship.
If we want our children to grow up to have happy, healthy relationships, we need to teach them how to set and respect healthy boundaries. When we take the time to ensure our children understand consent, we are also teaching them “the skills, courage, and respect to communicate with another person about the things that are important to each of them”, and that is setting them up for success in their future relationships (Sparks, 2019).

Personal Practice 1

Pick a relationship where you think physical boundaries are not clearly known and understood by both parties, and have a frank discussion with that person about their boundaries and yours.

References

Brown, B. (2015). Rising Strong. New York: Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House.
Gordon, R. (2018, November 3). Sexual Grooming – What Parents Need To Know. Retrieved from https://www.healthyhumansproject.com/sexual-grooming-what-parents-need-to-know/
Guante. [Button Poetry]. (2015, April 27). Guante – “Consent at 10,000 feet” [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzR5Wjnk2hk
Hall Health Center Health Promotion staff. (2014, January). Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships. Retrieved from http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/health-resource/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships/
Herring, J., & Wall, J. (2017). The nature and significance of the right to bodily integrity. The Cambridge Law Journal76(3), 566-588. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0008197317000605
Sparks, S. D. (2019, January 8). We’re teaching consent all wrong. Education Week, 38(17), 24-25. Retrieved from https://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2019/01/09/were-teaching-consent-all-wrong.html

 

 


me

Mariah Ramage was born and raised in Bellevue, Washington with two older brothers. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development, and she is currently living in the Seattle area. Mariah is currently experiencing the joys of being a nanny to three-year-old boy-girl twins while she prepares to pursue graduate work in Human Development and Family Studies. She is passionate about mental health, abuse recovery, purposeful parenting, and healthy media usage.
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