Search results

19 results found.

3 Ways to Support Others in their Faith Journeys

Cover photo by Mindy Sabiston on Unsplash

Written by Allie Barnes

Organized religion is a huge part of many peoples’ lives. Studies have shown that those who value religion and spirituality are more likely to report happiness (Lee & Kawachi, 2019). There is often a narrative that those who leave organized religion will be miserable—and evidence even shows that leaving organized religion can negatively impact one’s mental and physical health (Fortenbury 2014). But what isn’t always expressed is why leaving organized religion impacts one’s health. I don’t think individuals necessarily experience pain from leaving the religion itself: I believe most of this pain is from confronting beliefs that they once believed were true, and too often from the pushback or isolation they receive from the people they once worshipped with.
It is not the leaving of organized religion that seems to cause negative effects—it is often the pain of having to reconstruct a belief system and the negative reactions of others that causes the most strain. We can show love and support to those leaving organized religion by practicing good communication, setting healthy boundaries, and respecting their right to choose their own path.
Photo by Rosie Sun on Unsplash

Communication

Earlier this year I felt inspired to interview individuals who had left organized religion on my podcast, Looks Like Wandering, to better understand their experience and what they needed most from the people around them. I interviewed people who had left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the Reformed Presbyterian Church, and those who are or were in mixed-faith relationships. There is a tone of love and respect through the whole series, which was very important to me.
Episode 5 featured a roundtable discussion about navigating mixed-faith relationships. During the conversation, LeAndra Baker shared about her husband’s journey away from the LDS Church: “I wish you could see how much he absolutely would love to [have kept believing]—and how much easier his life would be if he could have kept believing the way his family wants him to. …Don’t discredit the work he’s put in to try to find a God that makes sense for him.” 
Photo by Samuel Martins on Unsplash
She continued by passionately sharing the values that she admires most in her husband: “He works really hard to love people exactly the way they are. It’s funny, I joke that he’s more Christlike now that he’s an atheist than he ever was as an active member of the LDS Church! Through his growth and development and faith walk, he has been able to decide what’s important to him, and loving his people is what’s important to him. He’s able to love them without wanting them to show up in a certain way.” By keeping communication open in relationships, we have an opportunity to recognize and appreciate the incredible attributes that our loved ones possess—attributes that aren’t dependent on a certain faith belief.

Boundaries

In episode 2, Nikki Johnson emphasized the importance of communicating healthy boundaries in relationships—”In order to set boundaries, you have to have a conversation about the boundaries,” she said. You may decide to discuss what topics you do not want to engage in with your loved ones. For example, individuals remaining in organized religion may not feel comfortable hearing about why loved ones chose to leave organized religion, while individuals who left organized religion may not feel comfortable having scriptures, sermons, or other religious materials shared with them. Having this conversation will create a safer space for both individuals to continue to strengthen the relationship together. Healthy Humans Project writer Alyssa Carroll previously shared some tips to setting appropriate boundaries in relationships.
Photo by Elina Fairytale from Pexels

Respecting the Right to Choose

One of the most powerful moments of the podcast came in episode 4, when I asked Maddison Weber what she wishes people knew when she left organized religion, and how she wishes others would have responded differently. She boldly stated, “If you’re looking at someone else’s life and thinking ‘I wouldn’t live my life like that,’ maybe take a step back and ask why you can look at their life and say that. What gives you the privilege to say ‘That’s not right for them’?” This is similar to the LDS doctrine of “agency”—the “ability and privilege God gives us to choose and to act for ourselves.” If we claim to believe in the importance of agency, we should show love to those around us, even if their paths look differently than our own. 
Photo by Brennan Martinez on Unsplash
On a personal note, my own religious beliefs have changed over the last couple of years in a way that makes it easier for me to accept and show love to those who have chosen different paths. For example, I don’t necessarily believe that the LDS Church is the only true church—a belief we are taught from youth. I think there are many paths to our Higher Power. Also, while I believe in and love so much of the LDS doctrine, I don’t always agree with how it is taught or enacted. Having these more nuanced views helps me to support others in their own journeys, wherever they lead someone. I echo the sentiment shared in episode 3 by Ezekiel Rudick: “If it’s true and God is the kind, loving, gracious being that They are, then you going through this thing is just you discovering holistically for yourself.”
Photo by Anna Selle on Unsplash
Through healthy communication, setting appropriate boundaries, and supporting others in using their agency, we can help alleviate some of the pain that others feel when they transition away from organized religion. As we do this, we can better emulate our Savior, who preached, “Thou shalt love the Lord why God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:37-39 KJV).
Write out your own beliefs and testimony, exactly as you feel at this moment. Those are yours, and you can feel empowered to claim them as your own. When you feel ready, seek to learn about others’ beliefs, either through conversation, reading, or following those who believe differently than you do on social media. Practice showing respect to their beliefs, even as they differ from your own. You can claim your own beliefs; let them claim theirs. Do this with love and deep respect and reverence for yourself and others.

References

“Agency and Accountability.” Gospel Topics. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/agency-and-accountability?lang=eng
Carroll, A. (2021, July 10). 5 Ways to Practice Setting Healthy Boundaries in Your 20’s. Healthy Humans Project. https://www.healthyhumansproject.com/5-ways-to-practice-setting-healthy-boundaries-in-your-20s/
Games, G. (2021, April 8). Communication Tips for Interfaith Couples. The Gottman Institute Blog. https://www.gottman.com/blog/communication-tips-for-interfaith-couples/
Fortenbury, J. (2014, September). The Health Effects of Leaving Religion: How a loss of faith can manifest itself in the mind and body. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/09/the-health-effects-of-leaving-religion/379651/
Lee, M. A., & Kawachi, I. (2019). The keys to happiness: Associations between personal values regarding core life domains and happiness in South Korea. PloS one, 14(1), e0209821. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0209821
Looks Like Wandering Podcast, Season 2 (2021). https://anchor.fm/looks-like-wandering
Strong, M. (2020, February 22). Top 5 Communication Skills for Forming Healthy Relationships. Healthy Humans Project. https://www.healthyhumansproject.com/top-5-communication-skills-for-forming-healthy-relationships/

 


Allie Barnes is a writer, speaker, and a leadership & relationship researcher. Her first book, Not According to Plan, shares her journey through depression, betrayal trauma recovery, developing resilience, and finding joy. Allie has an undergraduate degree in Family Studies from Brigham Young University and is finishing up a graduate degree in Leadership. You can find her on Instagram @lookslikewandering or at allieabarnes.com.
Continue Reading

It Will Be Better When I’m Finally in a Relationship—Or Will It?

Cover Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash 

Written by Matthew T. Saxey, Brigham Young University
We’ve all seen the movie: prince or princess charming meets their perfect match. And then, wouldn’t you know it, together, the two live “happily ever after.” But real life doesn’t always work that way.
While relationships can bring many unique benefits, entering a relationship does not solve every problem. Unfortunately, avoiding the common ‘it will be better when I’m finally in a relationship’ mentality can be a challenge in and of itself.
A recent study suggests that getting married to the idea of marriage, or a committed relationship, can help form a foundation for a healthy relationship long before you actually enter into one (Marks & Dollahite, 2017). Here are three ways to avoid the “happily ever after” mindset and to help begin dating your future relationship.
Photo by Gemma Chua-Tran on Unsplash

Becoming vs. Finding

A popular phrase about relationships is that ‘opposites attract.’ Although it may be true of some personalities, researcher Jason Carroll has found that more often, we are attracted to people with a similar character (Carroll, 2018). But too often, Carroll explains, people approach creating a lasting relationship by seeking their one true ‘soulmate’ (Brooksby, 2020; Carroll, 2018). This focus on a ‘finding’ approach to dating misses out on emphasizing personal growth and development (Carroll, 2018). 
In other words, by spending time finding a “soulmate,” we may not recognize or work toward becoming more prepared to be an exemplary partner. When someone focuses on becoming a better person even before entering a relationship (Carroll, 2018), they are actually improving—and you might say ‘dating’—their relationship before it has even begun.
Photo by Leon on Unsplash

Financial Management

Another common idea is that money makes the relationship: finding a ‘sugar mama’ or a ‘sugar daddy’ to finance your lifestyle is the ticket to a good relationship. Money does matter but not in the way that we often imagine. Research indicates that sound financial management—rather than overall income—leads to increased individual happiness (Spuhler & Dew, 2019) and relationship satisfaction (Archuleta et al., 2013).
If financial literacy and management are not developed prior to beginning a relationship, it may become more difficult to supplement healthy money habits once the relationship has begun. Sound financial management such as paying bills on time, keeping a record of monthly expenses, staying within a budget or spending plan, etc. (Dew & Xiao, 2011) should begin well before entering into a relationship. Consider dating your future relationship now by developing financial management through things like budgeting apps or learning and applying knowledge from reputable money management advisors.
Photo by Elizeu Dias on Unsplash

Knowledge about Sex

Leaning from reputable sources about sex can help you create or develop healthy sexual attitudes. Without having healthy sexual attitudes, achieving sexual satisfaction in a marriage or committed relationship can be more difficult (Carroll, 2018). 
In a sexualized culture with pervasive access to technology, consumption of pornography has become common. Data from 2014 suggest that 46% of men and 16% of women in the US between the ages of 18 and 39 intentionally viewed pornography in a given week (Regnerus et al., 2016). And, unfortunately, this common pornography use can lead to unhealthy sexual attitudes (Brown et al., 2017; Nakai, 2016). 
Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash
Another reason pornography use might be harmful comes from 30 national surveys that together show that when pornography use is associated with relationship quality, pornography use is almost always a signal of poorer relationship quality (Perry, 2020). To start or continue dating your relationship, avoid or overcome pornography by replacing it with healthy sexual attitudes and scripts. To do so, consider learning from reputable sexual health sources such as Sexual Wholeness in Marriage or A Better Way to Teach Kids About Sex.
Photo by Louise Burton on Unsplash

Dating—And Even Marrying—Your Relationship

As you focus on becoming—rather than just finding “the perfect person”—you may also start developing better financial literacy and management and cultivating healthy attitudes about sex that support your relationship. While addressing these three areas may be particularly helpful in preparing for a lasting future bond, progress in other areas might also be needed. 
Consider taking time to reflect about what you might want in a future partner, and assess whether you yourself have or are developing those same things (Carroll, 2018). As you continue dating your future relationship, avoid the ‘it will be better when I’m finally in a relationship’ mindset. That way, when you do eventually commit*, you will be wedded to the relationship of your dreams as well (Marks & Dollahite, 2017). 
* A note from the Editor:

I love Matthew’s article and agree wholeheartedly with his suggestions. That said, and Matthew agrees, it is worth noting that not everyone will get married, either by choice or by circumstance—and that is okay! Each person’s path is different. As I’ve made similar decisions in my life thus far—to become the kind of person I’d like to marry, to work to improve my finances, and to cultivate healthy sexuality—the benefits have been immediate. I hope to find someone to share my life with someday, but even if I never do, I am so grateful to have built a life I love for myself.
– Allie Barnes, Editor & Writer at Healthy Humans Project, Single & Happy 32-year-old Woman
Identify a section from the article that you’d like to work on this week. Single or not, we can all be more aware and knowledgeable about these areas of life.

References

Archuleta, K. L. (2013). Couples, money, and expectations: Negotiating financial management roles to increase relationship satisfaction. Marriage & Family Review49(5), 391–411. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2013.766296 
Brooksby, A. (2020) “Soul Mates: Found or Chosen?,” Family Perspectives, 1(2). https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/familyperspectives/vol1/iss2/6 
Brown, C. C., Conner, S., & Vennum, A. (2017). Sexual attitudes of classes of college students who use pornography. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking20(8), 463–469. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2016.0362 
Carroll, J. S. (2018). The marriage compass. BYU Academic Publishing.
Dew, J., & Xiao, J. J. (2011). The financial management behavior scale: Development and validation. Journal of Financial Counseling and Planning, 22, 43-59.
Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2017). Religion and families. New York: Routledge.
Nakai, K. (2016). A qualitative exploration on sexual scripts and sexual self-esteem among young adults with a rationale for a media-literacy program on pornography. Doctoral Dissertation, Adler School of Professional Psychology.
Perry, S. L. (2020). Pornography and relationship quality: Establishing the dominant pattern by examining pornography use and 31 measures of relationship quality in 30 national surveys. Archives of Sexual Behavior49(4), 1199-1213. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-01616-7 
Regnerus, M., Gordon, D., & Price, J. (2016). Documenting Pornography Use in America: A Comparative Analysis of Methodological Approaches. Journal of Sex Research53(7), 873–881. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2015.1096886 
Spuhler, B. K., & Dew, J. (2019). Sound Financial Management and Happiness: Economic Pressure and Relationship Satisfaction as Mediators. Journal of Financial Counseling and Planning30(2), 157-174. https://doi.org/10.1891/1052-3073.30.2.157

 


Matthew Saxey, who is receiving his B.S. in Family Studies from BYU in April 2021, is an incoming M.S. student at BYU’s Marriage, Family, & Human Development Program. When he’s not doing homework or working, Matthew enjoys spending time with his lovely wife, Brianna.
Continue Reading

Exploring Racism, Unconscious Bias, and Systemic Racism

Cover photo by Life Matters from Pexels

Written by Allie Barnes
We’re publishing this article during Black History Month, though it is not specifically about the holiday. If you’d like to learn more about Black History Month, here is a video by PBS Kids to explain the significance of the month.
The Healthy Humans Project Mission is “to empower individuals and families by helping them develop skills to create and maintain personal wellness and healthy relationships.” To create truly healthy relationships, we sometimes have to face difficult truths. That’s what we’re doing today.
Let’s talk about racism.
Photo by Joshua Mcknight from Pexels
In 2020, racism came to the forefront of everyone’s minds in the United States—reflecting what many people already knew to be true: entire groups of people are experiencing discrimination. At this suggestion, a lot of other people—myself included—became defensive. Reactions included, “Black Lives Matter!” “All Lives Matter!” “Blue Lives Matter!” “I’m not racist!” and “#blackouttuesday,” amid a wave of “cancelling” people who perhaps were not responding as their followers had hoped they would.
I absolutely had a view on the matter, but mostly observed and listened—I knew I didn’t have the understanding or eloquence to say what I’d hope to say. I still don’t. But I do have a better understanding, and a lot of definitions!
Photo by Mwabonje from Pexels
The Oxford Languages Dictionary defines racism as “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.” I used to view racism in a very clear cut way: Someone is either racist, or they are not. But as with many things, it’s not quite that simple.
I have since learned to break down racism into two categories: individual and systemic.
From there, I break down the “individual” category into two levels: racism, and bias. We’ve already touched on racism, so let’s look at unconscious (or implicit) bias.
Photo by Ralph Rabago from Pexels

Individual Implicit Bias

At the 2021 Davis County 3rd Annual Community Resilience Symposium, Dr. Susan Madsen offered the following definitions:
Unconscious: “Occurring below the level of conscious thought; not intended, planned, or realized.”
Bias: “A tendency, preference, opinion, or inclination that results in judgement without question (prejudice, stereotyping).”
Unconscious Bias: “Mental connections or associations without awareness, intention, or control.”
Implicit Bias: “A generally understood, implied, unconscious, and typically unspoken prejudice.”
*(I tend to use these terms interchangeably, but I believe that “implicit bias” assumes that there is at least some level of understanding, whereas unconscious bias is “without awareness.”)
As a human being, I have unconscious biases. WE ALL DO. Biases are often influenced by media, culture, or upbringing. We are influenced by what we see and consume, and often there is little we can do to completely control this influence—but we can practice awareness. When we recognize our biases, we can be more aware of them in our interactions with others in our families, communities, workplaces, and in any of our other relationships. When we are aware of them, we can also work to counter those biases (more on that later in the article).
Photo by Redrecords ©️ from Pexels

Systemic Racism

At a systemic level, racism is built into the systems, organizations, and traditions that make up our society. This is often influenced by the bias—and sometimes blatant racism—of individuals. The book How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi specifically focuses on countering racist policies, otherwise known as “systemic racism,” “institutional racism,” or “structural racism.” He offers the following definitions:
Racist: “One who is supporting a racist policy through their actions or inaction or expressing a racist idea.”
Antiracist: “One who is supporting an antiracist policy through actions or expressing an antiracist idea.”
Racial Inequity: “When two or more racial groups are not standing on approximately equal footing.”
*“Inequity” is defined by Oxford Language Dictionary as a “lack of fairness or justice.” To demonstrate racial inequity, Kendi shares the statistic that “71 percent of White families lived in owner-occupied homes in 2014, compared to 45% of Latinx families and 41 percent of Black families.”
Racist Policy: “Any measure that produces or sustains racial inequity between racial groups.”
Kendi continues, “By policy, I mean written and unwritten laws, rules, procedures, processes, regulations, and guidelines that govern people. There is no such thing as a nonracist or race-neutral policy. Every policy in every institution in every community in every nation is producing or sustaining either racial inequity or equity between racial groups.”
Photo by Steven Jones on Unsplash
In a Kennedy Center Lecture through Brigham Young University on February 3, 2021, Lori Spruance, an assistant professor of Public Health, stated that she takes time to research each policy before she votes on it, both at the local and national level. Many policies, she notes, do not seem blatantly racist, but still have aspects that may disadvantage certain groups. She shared about such a circumstance in Provo, Utah:
“In 2019, there was an item on the local ballot about passing a bond for the school district. The bond had several components to it but one included rebuilding [a local middle school] in a new area of town. The current [middle school] sits in one of the most resource-poor areas of the city, and the population of the middle school is 44% black, indigenous, and people of color, compared to the 26% statewide average. I could not in good conscience vote for this bill that would further divide inequities related to education… I spent time advocating against the bond and trying to educate some of my neighbors, who would have greatly benefited from the bond, about its possible effects on other communities. I encourage you to get involved, email your elected officials often, and let them know what racist policies you do not support. I think that is a great way to take action with Dr. Kendi’s words from [How to Be An Antiracist].”

What We Can Do

Racism can be subtle. Having not been affected by it, and having not been aware of it (both due to privilege), it can be easy to miss altogether. While much of the conversation has focused on the black community (and it is Black History Month, so we are also focusing on that today), many other minority populations are affected by racism, unconscious bias, and systemic racism. Recently, for example, there has been an increase in violence against the Asian American population. This is not okay—and I hope you already know that.
Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
Here are some ways to begin unraveling your own unconscious biases:
  1. When someone shares about their personal experience or feelings, believe them. Just because you haven’t experienced racism or noticed it in your community, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. If someone tells you they have been affected by racism, believe them.
  2. Educate yourself. Seek to learn more about different communities and the issues that affect them. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, as long as you are sincere—and don’t be offended if their answers or responses go against your current understanding or experience. Seek to increase your “pool of understanding” (as the book Crucial Conversations calls it). Here are a couple short YouTube videos to learn more about privilege and social inequalities:
  3. Create change in your home, community, and nation. Professor Spruance gave a great example of how to be involved in your community. For much more information on systemic racism, I recommend How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi.
Photo by Kelly Lacy from Pexels
We cannot change the world in a day. But by increasing our awareness and our ability to love and support our neighbors more fully, we can begin making meaningful change in our own spheres of influence.
*Note: In the original article, we recommended readers take the Harvard Implicit Associations Test (IAT). We have since removed that recommendation. We are grateful to a reader for informing us that there is a lot of criticism toward the IAT, even by the creators themselves. While incredibly popular (according to an article on The Cut, millions of people have taken the test since 1998), the IAT has been found to be unreliable and inaccurate. The test can still be used as an educational tool, but should not be considered a diagnostic test. It is still important to be aware of racism and bias—two very real issues in our society.
Choose one of the action items found above to incorporate into your week!

References

Kendi, I. X. (2019). How to Be An Antiracist. Random House.

 


Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
Continue Reading

Hit The Ground Running: Bringing Resilience into 2021

Cover photo by RF._.studio from Pexels

Written by Allie Barnes
In 2002, Robin Arzon was in a bar when a gunman entered. He took Arzon as his main hostage, using her as a human shield between himself and the NYPD outside. While everyone made it out of the ordeal physically safe, Arzon began running to deal with the emotional trauma she was experiencing. “It was in the run that I found my strength again,” Arzon stated in a 2018 interview on the Rachael Ray Show.
Arzon is now an author and the Vice President of Fitness Programming and an Instructor at Peloton. She has dedicated her life to not only fitness, but cultivating excellence in all she does and helping others do the same. Arzon took one of the most traumatizing moments of her life and allowed it to shape her for the better.
Robin Arzon – Source https://www.runnersworld.com/runners-stories/a24851187/robin-arzon-running-transformation/
By utilizing self-awareness and healthy coping mechanisms, Arzon began developing resilience.
The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.” Various studies have identified different attributes and characteristics of resilient individuals, including:

Another study shows that resilience comes from “developing attributes such as vigor, optimism, and physical robustness,” “improving socialization practices,” and “building self-efficacy and self-esteem through interpersonal relationships and experiences” (Resnick, 2011, as cited in Lohr, 2018).
You can even narrow it down to the well-known sentiment, “turning lemons into lemonade.”
If this past year hasn’t been traumatic for you, it has at least been unexpected. You may be looking forward to 2021 with hope, dread, or a mix of the two. We may not be able to anticipate everything that the next year will hold, but each of us has the opportunity to look back with self-awareness, develop healthy coping mechanisms, practice self-care, and move into 2021 with greater resilience.
In January 2020, I moved alone to a new town knowing no one. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, most of my work was done virtually. I was alone most of the time, and quickly fell into a deep depression. It took weeks of tears, loneliness, grief, and trying various coping mechanisms to finally begin feeling better. I wrote about this season of my life in my book, Not According to Plan. You can read that full chapter for free on my website
Every attempt to get back up helped me become a little more resilient. When the pandemic hit a few weeks later I found myself again alone–but this time I was more prepared. I still experienced low points, but I was able to adapt more quickly. Through experience and self-awareness, I knew how to get back up.
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
Through my experience this year, I’ve further developed the following resilient attributes: rebounding, self-determination, flexibility, optimism, faith, adaptive coping, and more. These attributes will surely help me as I experience other difficult situations in the future. 
There is no one right way to begin feeling better. Different things work for different people, and different things have worked for me at different times. However, by actively practicing self-awareness and different coping mechanisms, individuals can develop resilience–and that resilience will make a positive impact, no matter what the new year brings.

Develop greater self-awareness by journaling daily
Choose an attribute of resilience (from the above chart) to practice daily
Begin practicing healthy coping mechanisms and self-care.
Read my article on another similar topic, the growth mindset.

References

Ackerman, C. E. (2020, November 17). Coping Mechanisms: Dealing with Life’s Disappointments in a Healthy Way. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/coping/
Lohr, K. D. (2018). Tapping Autobiographical Narratives to Illuminate Resilience: A Transformative Learning Tool for Adult Educators. Educational Gerontology, 44(2–3), 163–170.
Ray, R. [Rachael Ray Show]. (2018, January 19). She Started Running After Being Held at Gunpoint — Now Instagram-Famous Trainer Inspires Thousand… [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjWCEV49OAg

 

 


Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.

 

Continue Reading

The Power of Owning Your Story

Cover photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Written by Allie Barnes

It started with a thought: I should write my story. And so I wrote my story. I started with one defining moment, then another. When the milestones were recorded, I started filling in more details and emotions. I took some things out. I edited it. 
And when it finally felt complete, I felt a relief—a freedom—I never knew I needed.
I have since published my story as a paperback book, but the feelings of relief and freedom came even before that point. I could have kept my story private and still benefited substantially from writing it.
There is no one right way to write your story. You can use a journal, an app, or a planner. You can write once a day, once a week, once a month, or once ever. Regardless of the format or schedule you choose for writing, journaling offers noteworthy benefits, including a reduction of stress and a healthy way to manage anxiety and depression. Research by psychologist and researcher Dr. James Pennebaker suggests that journaling can even alleviate physical symptoms of conditions such as asthma and rheumatoid arthritis by acting as a stress management tool.
Photo by Brad Neathery on Unsplash
According to an article by Harvard Medical School, in at least one study by Pennebaker, he
“…asked 46 healthy college students to write about either personally traumatic life events or trivial topics for 15 minutes on four consecutive days. For six months following the experiment, students who wrote about traumatic events visited the campus health center less often, and used a pain reliever less frequently, than those who wrote about inconsequential matters.” (Harvard, 2020)
In the day-to-day, journaling can help you:
  • Process thoughts, feelings, problems, and disagreements with others
  • Learn more about yourself
  • Let go of stress and focus on the present moment
Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash
To demonstrate the immediate benefits that journaling can offer, researchers at the University of Chicago “found that anxious test-takers who wrote briefly about their thoughts and feelings before taking an important exam earned better grades than those who did not.”
How can you put this to the test? In your next stressful moment, I invite you to pause and take a few minutes to write about the situation and how you are feeling. Does your stress level increase, remain steady, or decrease? Did the exercise help you find additional solutions or insight into the situation?
Here are some other creative ways to start journaling:
  • Create a private Instagram just for family photos and captions. If you want a physical copy, you can subscribe to a service like Chatbooks, which will automatically send you a book of your Instagram photos after every 60 posts.
  • Download the Day One app to start keeping a journal on your phone. The app is free, though you can subscribe if you want to keep more than one journal on the app.
  • Start gathering your family members’ stories first. Interview any living grandparents or great-grandparents. Interview your parents. Interview siblings. Not only will you create a beautiful record for your family, you may find yourself inspired as you begin writing your own stories.
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels
I am not great at traditional journaling, but I recently found several notebooks and planners where I have kept notes and records over the past several years of my life. These, along with my Instagram page and other digital platforms, have offered an non-traditional but natural way for me to keep a journal of sorts.
And now, I have my book.
How have you benefited from journaling in your life? We’d love to hear from you this week on Instagram @healthyhumansproject!
Choose one way to start recording your story this week!

References

Alt, D., & Raichel, N. (2020). Reflective journaling and metacognitive awareness: Insights from a longitudinal study in higher education. Reflective Practice21(2), 145–158. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1080/14623943.2020.1716708
Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School. (2020). Healthbeat: Writing about emotions may ease stress and trauma. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/writing-about-emotions-may-ease-stress-and-trauma
Purcell, M. (2020). The Health Benefits of Journaling. PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling/
University of Rochester Medical Center. (2020). Journaling for Mental Health. In Health Encyclopedia. https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1

 

 


Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.

 

Continue Reading